A realization...

Over the last few weeks I have been incredibly self-conscious about my weight. Now, I have been like this pretty much as long as I can remember but lately it has been worse. Mostly because I have gained quite a bit of weight. As I was sitting there looking at pictures from a recent Sunday afternoon and almost crying because of how I looked in said pictures it hit me, I have barely been working out and I have completely abandoned my healthy eating habits. What did I think would happen? Even though I am only 23, I can already tell a drastic difference in my body and the way it works since I was 18. In high school I ate whatever I wanted and only exercised when it was volleyball season or during the 5 minutes of exercise we would do before cheerleading practice and I always stayed a trim 105 pounds. After high school my weight went up a little bit but not enough that I was too concerned about it. Then I got married. After you get married, you suddenly feel the need to bake, cook and stay home and "be a wife." I was SHOCKED to find that I actually felt that way! I have never wanted to be a stay-at-home anything. I worked hard and spent a lot of money getting my college education and I really enjoy what I do. And even though I worked full time, I felt the need in the evenings to be home with my husband and cook and clean like a wife was supposed to do. This mentality has slowly crept up on me.

I work in an office at a computer all day. This is a toxic situation for someone trying to lose weight and get back into shape. I love my job but it can be hectic at times and that usually results in fast food breakfast on the way to work and lunch so that I can eat quickly. But am I really saving any time? This morning I made the decision to eat a healthy breakfast at work. I got some un-sweet tea (caffeine) and made myself a piece of whole wheat toast when I got to the office this morning. And you know what? It wasn't any harder than ordering a bagel or breakfast sandwich at the drive-through. As far as lunch goes, I spend so much time in the evenings watching TV or playing games on my phone that I could easily be making lunch for the next day.

As far as exercise, well that has been lacking lately. I am pretty consistent about going to my favorite class on Monday nights which is strength training. But any more than that? Not so consistent. I have managed to come to grips with the fact that working out hardcore at the gym 7 days a week is not really an option for me (nor is it usually the best option for anyone). There are some evenings when Grant is home and I really just want to go spend the evening with him and get things done that we have been putting off. And there is nothing wrong with that! I think shooting for 4-5 gym sessions a week and maybe a few Tone-it-Up routines at home in between is a good balance. So this afternoon I am going to go to the gym after work and get in some good old fashioned cardio. 3 miles on the treadmill. Run 1- walk 1- run 1. It may kill me tonight but I know that it will get easier. At one point I was running 5k's in 26:30 so I know I can do it!

I really like the "Lean, Clean and Green" philosophy of Tone it Up. While I do want to lose weight, I also want to be able to maintain it. I know that I could lose weight pretty quickly doing some fad diet or taking diet pills but as soon as I went back to a normal lifestyle all that weight would just pile right back on. And those things just aren't healthy and I want to be healthy, not just skinny!

So, I am going to try to really think about the decisions that I am making and what I am putting in my body. I am going to try to cook more at home and find healthy, new recipes to keep things from getting boring. I already have a trip planned for Saturday morning to visit my local farmer's market :) And along the way I am going to try to blog to keep myself accountable. I still haven't decided if I want to make this a public blog or just keep it to myself. I guess we will see how I progress :)